There is a lot of pressure today on young singles when it comes to Christian dating in churches and communities but a lot of this pressure is often self-inflicted as well. While the pressure isn’t high in secondary school, if one comes home from college and has not been “successful” in securing a partner through the years of study, one is automatically looked at strangely by peers and other young people who have managed to find the life partners in this way.
This is however, a very important time in each young person’s life and your individuality that you have discovered can so easily be snapped or moulded into someone else’s idea of what your life should be. You are you and not what others define you to be. While it is difficult to keep your faith while in college, and be committed to going to a local church, it is worthwhile and when you return to “real life” the integration should be an easy one, even if you are returning to your home church. There are some points that should help, though in this integration so that you don’t feel that you have somehow failed if you come home as young single Christian with no relationship to flaunt to the locals:
#1: Understand & Believe that being single doesn’t make you weird
Being single is a natural part of life and once you have found the correct person to marry, you will be able to do so. There is no stigma attached to being single these days – there is no danger of being labelled “an old maid” at 20 years old. Don’t give into any family pressure. Expand your horizons and do things you may not necessarily get a chance to do when you are married. Go on outreaches, camps and mission trips. Your days of being single and unfettered will not be forever.
#2: Marriage is not a solution and being single is not necessarily a problem
Being single gives us the opportunity to develop into a healthy follower of Christ with a strong and unshakeable faith. When we barge into marriage because we feel that we need to solve the problem of being single, too often things come undone. Marriage is not what will make you perfect or content. Being steadfast in your faith in God and a whole individual with clear concepts of what is wrong and right will make for a good marriage partner, though.
#3: Skip the pressure of single’s groups
While singles ministries are absolutely great and we certainly don’t want to downplay the role this could have in finding your life partner, don’t be pressured into it. Participate wherever you can, especially when you can grow in experience and add value to the body of Christ through your local church. Meet friends and get to know other singles but don’t be drawn into the fake where people are only there in order to find a mate.
#4: Take it slow
If you do find the person you are looking for straight away, then by all means, that s great. But take it slow and if you meet a few people that you find intriguing and would like to get to know better, under the right circumstances of course, then give each of them the time they deserve. Don’t be disrespectful by brushing people aside and moving on too quickly.
#5: Don’t let older singles scare you out of the church
What do I mean by this? Well, you are young and you are seeing that there are a number of older Christian singles in your church who haven’t found love in this particular church. Remember you are in your church to learn about, and follow, God. You are not there exclusively for a social meet. You would be surprised what you could learn about life, and faith, from these older unmarried people in your church and who knows, maybe their time just hasn’t come yet and they may meet someone tomorrow or the next day who sweeps them off their feet.
#6: Don’t come across as desperate
While romance and family are important and awesome gifts from God, He is the giver of peace. Don’t panic, He knows what He is doing. Don’t get desperate and run ahead of Him. God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would have children, and it was their own impatience that made them step out of God’s will and Abraham had children with their maidservant. I am sure this was not in God’s original plan and things would have turned out better for them if they had just stuck to God’s original design and didn’t try to force His hand.
Keep believing. God Bless!
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