Part 2: The Intimidating Christian Woman: Is there such a thing as being too successful?

intimidating christian woman Are men intimidated by Christian women who earn more money than them? It seems that there are more women these days who earn more than their male counterparts and it is possible that men are troubled by this new trend. You may find that a man that finds out you earn more than he does will tell you that you obviously don’t need him to provide for you and that is why the relationship cannot work. While it shouldn’t always be about finances, if a man does not feel needed, it is very difficult for him to commit to a relationship.

While at least 50% of wives these days are the breadwinners in their families, this doesn’t mean it’s a mindset that men have been able to accept fully in their everyday lives. At the end of the day this puts the woman in the alpha position and men in the beta position, which on its own goes against what a biblical marriage looks like. Tensions do arise because of this, no matter how important it is to men that their wives do not just “sit at home all day” and “do nothing”, they do thrive on knowing that they are the providers for the home.

Amazingly, this situation also does not really suit women either. A woman that earns more than her husband runs the risk of feeling more like a mother, instead of a wife, and this spills over into the bedroom where attraction is not as strong. Women are attracted to strong men who are able to take care of them. It is ultimately what every woman wants. To be thrust into a position where they are the caretakers, means that they are providing, caring and basically doing the man’s job. No matter how fully she protests she doesn’t mind, or that he doesn’t mind, there is going to be tension down the line.

This doesn’t mean that the wife should just stay at home with the kids while the husband goes out to work. Don’t misunderstand me, we clearly don’t live in olden days anymore and it is unlikely that most families would be able to afford this model of life, anyway, as the cost of living has increased dramatically. It does mean that an understanding husband will help out with the kids where he can, while still doing everything in his power to provide for his family. It also means that a good and loving wife will also assist in providing for the family where possible. As a team, a husband and wife can quite successfully put the finances aside and work together to provide for their families but if one person is consistently having to take a backseat in terms of their career (particularly the husband), this becomes unfair and any normal man will feel threatened by the idea that their wife is such a successful and intimidating woman.

God created us differently with distinct roles and responsibilities. Men are natural providers who have an urge to protect their wives and families. A woman is physically and emotionally equipped to have children, run the home and help her husband. While it doesn’t mean that a man can’t wash dishes, or comfort his child or that a woman can competently run her own business, it does mean that sometimes only a mom can comfort her child in that moment or that a man can, without restraint provide for his family because he isn’t wondering if his child is missing him. While some in this day and age may be offended by this line of thinking, this is what the Bible says the model should look like…

So how do women manage to advance their careers while they are single without scaring off the men in their lives?

#1: Think about things biblically

If you are a Christian woman who wishes to marry a Christian man who is serious about God and the Bible, encourage the men around you who are still working towards their goals in their careers. Once they have reached their goals they may feel more able to provide for you and be interested in a relationship. You cannot blame a man for having the integrity of wanting to be able to provide for his future family.

#2: Learn how to be a helper

If you have Christian male friends you know of who are looking for employment and you know of a company that is hiring, let them know. Make recommendations where you can. Whatever you might do to help your family in the same position, do so that you can help them. They are your family in Christ if you are in the same faith.

#3: Keep your motives pure

Make sure you are not being selfish with your motives. Are you competitive intentionally? Do you take delight in knowing you earn more than the men you know? Remember that where you are now is a direct result of God giving you good gifts. Be a good steward of those gifts, and ask God how you can serve others and be generous with your offerings.

This, of course, won’t guarantee that men will see you differently but as long as you are not posing yourself as a great competitor to them and they are moving towards a point at which they feel they might be able to provide for you in the future, you may find that their attitudes toward you will change and you will be able to find the right Godly relationship for you. God Bless!

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