Most of the time this isn’t really even a question. Everyone knows that you need to be attracted to your husband or wife of choosing, and not just mentally. Looks are important in relationships. Does this mean that everyone should look like bikini models and bodybuilders? By no means, of course as we are all created differently, and wonderfully by God.
Sometimes, through getting to know someone, an attraction can grow between two people. Sometimes, it’s there from the beginning. Either way, for something lasting to be built, it does need to be there. Song of Solomon is an awesome book of the Bible that demonstrates the love that should be felt between man and wife, God and the Church.
My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is like gold, pure gold; his locks are like clusters of dates and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, and reposed in their setting. His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, banks of sweet-scented herbs; his lips are lilies dripping with liquid myrrh. His hands are rods of gold Set with beryl; his abdomen is carved ivory Inlaid with sapphires. His legs are pillars of alabaster Set on pedestals of pure gold; his appearance is like Lebanon choice as the cedars. His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem (Song of Solomon 5:10-16)
Many churches today try to downplay the importance of attraction in potential marriage partners simply because they are afraid of their members running off and fornicating and falling away from the church. What is really needed is more mentoring for our young (and not so young) single members so that once they enter into a viable relationship, they have the wisdom to be able to get to know their potential partners within ‘safe’ parameters.
So how do we allow ourselves to be attracted to our partner without allowing ourselves to fall into sin?
1. Be accountable to your leaders
Submit your relationship to your leaders and make sure that you allow them to speak into your lives if they see something is going wrong with your relationship. Make sure you listen with an open heart to any concerns they may have, submit their concerns to God in prayer and decide from there if you agree or disagree. Most often, our leaders see potential dangers before we do and we need to listen to this in order to avoid real heartbreak.
2. Don’t isolate yourselves
Plan plenty of couples/group activities so that it isn’t just you and your date week after week spending time all alone with no distractions. When you isolate yourselves, you don’t invite input from other Christians and therefore miss where you could need to change the way you behave in your relationship. Spending time with a mentoring couple is a good idea.
3. Don’t purposefully look for trouble
Don’t put yourself and your partner in a position where you may not be fully capable of having will power to turn your attractive partner down. Things like alcohol, parties, emotional upheaval and movies with gratuitous content may inhibit your normal responses and lead to bad decisions.
4. Have a ‘safe’ word or activity ready
If you do find yourself in a situation that you and your partner are alone and things are getting heated, make sure you have discussed beforehand a word or an activity that you can say or switch to in order to take the focus off of each other. This may sound silly at first but you may find it useful
5. Don’t fall for manipulation
Moms usually tell their daughters not to fall for the ‘If you love me, you’ll do it’ line. I have a feeling dads don’t really go into detail about this – I do stand corrected if this is not the case. But the point is, manipulation is not Christian-like and if someone is trying to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do, they are not worth your time.
Hopefully these tips will help you to bravely face the dating world, knowing that you can indeed pursue a relationship with someone you find attractive. You don’t have to find the ‘perfect’ man or woman. You just have to find the perfect man or woman for you. God knows who they are…God bless!